Faster. Louder. Further. More-er

He is just a typical child - amplified.

Normal frustrations when things don't work, just LOUDER and FASTER. If it doesn't work in an instant screaming ensues. I'm an impatient person and I understand him to a point - but PHEW!

People think he is spoilt, the in-laws think he needs a good hard smack and now I'm getting frustrated. Can't they SEE? Just because he is little doesn't mean what he is trying to tell you isn't important. He can tell you are not listening to him if you just nod and smile assuming he is babbling about nothing or trying to show you a new toy. If you listened you would hear him telling you HOW the toy works, not that it lights up and whirrs, but how this is happening.

He asks me a question - and before I have a chance to draw breath to answer he is on the floor screaming because I haven't answered fast enough. Faster. Louder.

He loves Thomas the Tank Engine soooo much. More. More-er.

He HATES Sesame Street. When the opening credits come on he screeches "get it off get it off I HATE it!" I'm always dashing for the remote to avoid the morning head split. Sometimes sadly I'm in the toilet at the wrong time.

He LOVES The Simpsons, I'm not sure if it's PC for kids to watch it, but it's practically an institution in this house and it's a cartoon for fucks sake.
Pretty soon Cyclone goes NUTS at the opening credits for this too. The difference is we all MUST WATCH THE START. Everyone in the house has to be in attendance for this nightly event.

We just do it. Yeah it's a hassle sometimes but it's "just a Cyclone thing". He's our funny little boy.

Cyclones dad (Scorpio) doesn't like taking him out to the shops anymore. Cyclone screams when he doesn't get his way, won't leave the toy section and runs amok in the supermarket.

I don't have that problem. I've noticed that Cyclone is better when he knows what's going to happen. Before we go out I say - "we are going to the bank, then the fruit shop, then to the bakery". He is fine with that. I tell him we are leaving the toy shop in 2 minutes and I walk away when it's time to go. I don't make a big deal, I don't negotiate and although he might whine a little, he follows me out.

When Scorpio takes him there are tanties in the aisles, screaming, swearing and Scorpio gets embarrassed, feels the pressure of all eyes on him. He does the right thing, he tries to explain it's time to go. He gets down to Cyclones level (physically) but Cyclone always takes it to a new level. The pressure of others tut tutting gets to him and he ends up throwing Cyclone over his shoulder and walking out. No one is happy.

I blame Scorpio for not being firmer. Funnily enough he thinks I give in to Cyclone because I listen, and I feel I understand him.

Now he is Three

Oh...he sleeps!

It only took a couple of weeks in the Big Bed, but HE SLEEPS!

No more being rocked to the tune of "This Old Man" times 20. A story from mum and story from dad and he falls to sleep and stays that way.

We did a Parenting Course (Triple P) and although daddy and I have completely different parenting styles the one thing we learnt was strong boundaries and he loves them. It's tiring though but through the meltdowns we just kept on going. Kept backing each other up (and when we disagreed we took it up with each other in the garage later in the night).

I had given in before then though. I mean, I came to the conclusion that Cyclone was a "Difficult Child". OOHHHHHH YEEEAHH. There is that term. Another blogger got ripped a new one for using that term and in my opinion the people that did so can kiss my wobbly white butt.

You see, I pored over all the baby and toddler books looking for answers. Some I threw into the backyard in disgust, some were ok and had lots of advice but nothing if the advice didn't work. Except one by Christopher Green.

He has a lovely down-to-earth writing style and near the end of one of his books it said something along the lines of - If this doesn't work and your child doesn't sleep/is still unsettled/unhappy you might just have one of the something (sorry can't remember) % that are 'difficult children'. Just know in my experience that nearly all of these kids end up sleeping by 3 years of age. Hang in there. So I did and he was right. We just stopped looking for answers and waited it out.

The Toddler

As a toddler he was easily frustrated. But aren’t they all? He started to talk right on time, walked right on time. Said sentences early. I started calling him BamBam because he was a ‘bashy baby’. Just bashed all his toys all over the place making as much noise as possible at all times. He was still easily upset, hard to please, insistent.

Before his first birthday he learnt to turn on the stereo and play a Foo Fighters CD. He loved to boogie and would wiggle his little nappy clad bum and stamp his feet.
Getting him to sleep was still a nightmare. He would stand in the cot shaking it and screaming NO THANK YOOOOU, over and over again. You could only smile at the angry manners.

His sister was born just before he was 2 years old. We were so sleep deprived and surrounded by nappies we didn’t feel another baby would make much difference. And she didn’t. It did to Cyclone. He was fascinated by her but quickly learnt a great way to get a reaction is to jump onto the wooden floors just as mummy was getting the baby to sleep.

Thankfully out of the blue he started going to bed happily and sleeping though when he was three. What a long three years that was……

Cyclone the baby

Cyclone as a baby – phew. He just didn’t stop crying for hours and hours on end. He seemed overwhelmed all the time. He didn’t sleep well. We rocked and paced and jiggled, we bathed, massaged and he just cried the whole time.

I found it hard to ‘get’ him. It’s hard to get close to a baby that’s stiff as a board and screaming loud enough to crack your eardrums. For awhile I thought it was my own stress because I thought he was going to die thanks to the stupid comment from that midwife.

I had a wonderful Maternal Health Nurse. Her first home visit was when Cyclone was about 2 weeks old. I answered the door, thrust the squalling bundle into her arms and burst into tears. On retrospect I was lucky she wasn’t a salesman because I probably would have done the same thing no matter who was at the door.
Wonderful nurse sent Cyclone and I to bed – for weeks if necessary. I think I stayed in there for three. I highly recommend this for ANY new mother. It gives you time to get to know your baby without the stresses of getting dressed, and in the early days getting dressed seems like such a faraway dream somedays….

Weeks later things weren’t much better. Cyclone fed every 90 minutes and could not be persuaded otherwise. By 4 months things had settled down a little – or maybe we just adjusted. My now teenage daughter was 12 then, so pretty self sufficient, the dogs got used to being fed at 2am and I was thanking heaven for paid maternity leave.

We tried sleep school, but we left early. Leaving a distressed child to cry doesn’t make them any less distressed. I did what they told me for 4 days but even the nurse said she didn’t feel things were changing and it just wasn’t going to work.

He learned to throw a head butt at about six months old. After the 3rd time he got one of us right in the nose we realized it was deliberate. Seriously. He would tuck in his chin and lean his weight forward so he sort of fell on you. Looking back I think he bumped his head by accident but noticed there was a big reaction OOWWWCH and tried it again. Even that young, he was noticing.

He weaned himself and went to Goats Milk formula when he was seven months. I was heartbroken - boobies were the only thing that stopped the screaming. He couldn’t tolerate regular formula, his tummy hurt and of course he cried and cried and cried.

I will finish this entry by saying plenty of babies are like this in their first few months. If you are reading this with a screaming, squirming child in your arms - please do not crap your pants and worry there is something wrong. I am just setting up the story and giving some background.

What is Asperger Syndrome?

The following information comes from Autism Victoria www.autismvictoria.org.au.
As mentioned - the effects can be varied. Some kids are quirky, sometimes its hard to tell if it's that or something more. I have italicised how each points apply to Cyclone...so it doesn't seem as dry. Fantastic and well written info though.


A developmental disorder which falls within the Autism Spectrum. Main features of this disorder become obvious during early childhood and remain constant throughout life, although common features and degree of actual impairment can vary. Rarely recognised before the age of 3. More common in boys than girls.
Core features are lack of social skills, limited ability to have a two way conversation and an intense interest in a particular subject. Most of these children attend normal primary schools.

COMMUNICATION

Although these children are often highly articulate, content of speech may be abnormal, tending to be pedantic and often centering on 1 or 2 favourite topics. Sometimes a word or phrase is repeated over and over in stereotyped fashion. Usually, there is a comprehension deficit despite apparent superior verbal skills. Non verbal communication, both expressive and receptive is often impaired.

Cyclone is beautifully spoken, he often surprises people with his language. If you interrupt him when he is trying to tell you something he will get very frustrated if anything interrupts him and begins again from the start of the story, word for word.

When he was about 2.5 years old he told my mother a story about Thomas the Tank Engine - it went for 30 minutes nonstop and she couldn't get a word in edgewise.


SOCIAL INTERACTION

There tends to be impairment in a two way social interaction due to an inability to understand the rules governing social behaviour. A lack of empathy with other and little to no eye contact may be evident. Can appear to be stuck on the egocentric stage of social and emotional development. They tend to perceive the world exclusively from their own point of view. Although interested in social relationships often social contact is made inappropriately.


He wants to play, he wants to have friends but doesn't quite know how to approach other children. Either he runs up and threatens them or launches into a long sermon about how the planets orbit the sun or how what type of weapons a Jedi needs to defeat the Dark Lord.
He doesn't seem to get how games are played, he hates losing and berates himself for not being better to the point it is heartbreaking to hear.


SOCIAL BEHAVIOUR

Is often naive and peculiar. Can tend to be intensely attached to particular possessions often engaging in repetitive activities. Resistant to change, coping best when life is predictable. They prefer structure and may concentrate exclusively on matter in which they are interested. Are often known as loners who never quite fit in because of eccentric behaviour, peculiar ways of speaking and a lack of social skills.


Cyclone just wants to build all day. When there have been shared toys (like blocks) at daycare, kindergarten or school he assumes they are his and cannot bear to share them. He builds wonderful structures and others are welcome to help as long as they follow his instruction. If not he berates them horribly and they retreat.

COMMON FEATURES

*Excellent rote memory, absorbs facts easily. *Generally performs well with maths, science and reading. *May be anxious and unable to cope with criticism or imperfection. *Often the victims of teasing and bullying leading to withdrawal into isolated activities. *Can appear to be clumsy and have an unusual gait or stance. Often seen as odd or eccentric. *Language appears good but may have limited content and poor social understanding. *Self interested and lacks empathy.

He walks fine. He isn't clumsy. He gets bullied sometimes because others seem to pick that it's easy to set him off. At least he "brings it" and follows through with his threats rather than talking tough then running off to his mother crying when it doesn't work out. Am I terrible for saying that? I don't care if I am, I hate shit-stirring little bastards. At least Cyclone means what he says.
He says terrible things that upset others though, and doesn't care if they look shocked or upset

When he was born

I had a physically perfect pregnancy with Cyclone. Plenty of morning sickness, tiredness and cravings.

Emotionally it was an awful time. I was still trying to sort the financial settlement from the breakup of my marriage and my brother died in an accident. My partner (Scorpio) lost his house in a fire and moved in (which obviously resulted in Cyclone coming along) with his daughter, dogs and bird. Changing schools, teen angst, insurance company battles, hospitals, funeral all on top of mothering a 9 year old and working full time…ACH!

Cyclone was an easy birth physically, again mentally it was awful. I do labour fast, and although I told the midwife this was really it, apparently she didn’t believe me. I was stressed because I wasn’t being listened to, didn’t feel safe and couldn’t get into a zone. The midwife squealed when Cyclone was emerging and told me to stop pushing. He shot out 30 seconds later and she yelled “stop, he’s too small”….. He wasn’t too small, he was just under 7 pounds. But the misplaced hysteria in her voice rang in my head for months afterwards.

I handed him to visitors asking them if they thought he was too small, when I spoke to people on the phone I asked if they thought 6pd 9oz was too small. Are you sure? Really? I’d be reassured constantly but I was so nervous all the time. For some reason I kept thinking he might die. Makes no sense and I couldn’t help those thoughts.

Let me say here – that I am (or I used to be) pretty chilled out, laid back person. This wasn’t first time mum nerves, I’ve done this before – pretty much sailed though with my daughter. This concept was totally foreign to me.

However I must mention how thrilled and full of joy I was for being the mother of a son! He was just perfect with the longest legs I’ve ever seen on a baby. He was placed on my tummy straight after birth and literally ran up my body and attached to my breast. I later asked who moved him up to my boob and my sister said, “no one, he did it himself, he gave 2 huge frog kicks and pushed himself – I couldn’t believe what I was seeing”. Awesome, wonderful, perfect.

The real First Post

I should have started this ages ago. This blog will be about my travels with my son, Cyclone. Not a geographical trip, just the story of how it is.

Ok, so I have written 2 pages in about 20 minutes so I suppose we should consider this blog a debrief too.

It’s been a hard slog with my boy. Right now he is in the middle of a long assessment for a possible Aspergers Disorder diagnosis. He is nearly 6 years old. I haven’t done this before now because it’s been so hard to work out if there is anything actually wrong. Sometimes the tantrums and meltdowns and yelling and stress are gone and you forget there was a problem. Then you get so used to everything, you only notice when you see your friends children and they don’t make weird noises, throw themselves around from the moment they wake up or scream death threats when it’s time to go home.

As I type I can hear him screaming a full volume and threatening to smash the Wii because he can’t get the disk in.

Cyclone has started school this year but he only goes half days because he just can’t handle all the input. He can’t handle changing activities, he only wants to build things all day. I’m noticing patterns of behavior and I can see why I’ve been so confused about it all. He can handle change (?). It takes a long time but with lots of encouragement he gets there. Then I take a deep breath, smile and think –“well done son, you overcame this battle” and believe there is nothing really wrong. He just takes a while to adjust, that’s all. Then the shit totally hits the fan and his behavior gets worse in a different area.

I kinda feel like those kids you see at the water fountains that come out of the ground. They try to step on all the holes so the water won’t come out. That’s me – but it’s series of volcanos I’m trying to keep a lid on.

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