The Axe Falls

I got a call from the school today, asking that I come to discuss "Cyclones future with the school". Shit. Fuck.

I try to tell myself they want to get together to discuss a plan to accommodate his stresses. I have the whole weekend to try not to freak out. Fail.

So we have the meeting and I'm told the school feels they can't cater to Cyclones needs. He is running out of the classroom, alot of the time he slips off and freaks everyone out when they realise he is gone. I didn't know this and I wish I had because nicking off is a big Aspie thing. They run when they overload. If I had known maybe I would have started making other plans for him.

I knew he once ran into the building site and scared all the builders half to death. I knew he sometimes refused to return to the classroom after recess and lunch, but we were working on that and he was getting HEAPS better.

I knew he was lashing out at some of the other kids, this worries me terribly and he had NEVER done that before school started.

They tell me they love him, that they can see HIM underneath all the anxiety and sometimes he just surprises them right out of left field. Like the fact that he refuses to participate in class discussion - won't even sit with the others, but when it's his turn to 'chair the meeting' he does it with such style and confidence its a joy to watch.

But he isn't adjusting, he is getting more stressed as the year goes on. He did shorter hours for the entire first term, but wanted to stay all day with the other children. He worked really hard to keep his temper and come in as soon as lunch was over so he went to full days. Then he went backwards again.

I'm crying and angry at the meeting - we have only just got the Aspy diagnosis, I was constantly liaising with his teacher, I kept her constantly updated (and she was just wonderful when it came to strategies for him)......I know there are other kids on the spectrum there, why is Cyclone having to go?

Because he is getting worse, it's becoming too much for the teachers to search for him and talk him down out of the trees (literally) and because he has gone all stealth-like when it comes to running off they are frightened he will leave the school grounds.

The other spectrum kids will (apparently) calm down. Cyclone won't and he is upping the ante. They aren't equipped and funding is so much harder to get because they are a non-government school. The kids are unsure of him, he can play just fine but then he explodes. He goes through so many different emotions in minutes, school is tiring for him because he has to work so much harder to keep himself in check. There are other places that can cater for him and they feel he would be best there.

I'm devastated. I loved this school. I chose it because it's not mainstream, the ethos of the school is brilliant and it's run by the students and parents. The have ponies and geese, chickens and goats and the kids are nearly wholly responsible for the animals welfare. I could go on but I won't because it's going to make me sadder.

I've put one child through mainstream schooling and I just didn't like it. Now the best school in the world doesn't suit Cyclone. Or the other way around.

But, the Principal did some research and found somewhere else she thinks would be the right place. She has already called to check it out for me, they cater nearly wholly for spectrum kids and has a fantastic reputation.

She gives me the number. We shall see.

I just don't know how I feel about this.